Naturo Tales
by Kunoichi 008
Summary: A bunch of fairy tales acted out by the Naruto cast and directed by Tsunade herself for the enjoyment of Konoha. This ain’t gonna be pretty. Chapter 1: Kakarella


****

Naruto Tales

Chapter 1: Kakarella 

By: Kunoichi 008

Summary: A bunch of fairy tales acted out by the Naruto cast and directed by Tsunade herself for the enjoyment of Konoha. This ain't gonna be pretty. Chapter 1: Kakarella

¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸

"All right everyone quiet!" The hokage hollered with a toss of her silky golden locks. She scowled when no one responded. "I said QUIET!" She screamed. No one seemed to hear her. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Silence.

Tsunade sighed with a slight smile. That's better. "Okay! Cinderella will start in five minutes. Please go to the wings and fix yourselves up." She instructed. "I gave all of you your lines and the full copy of the scripts which I told ALL of you to memorize. I instructed all of you in your blocking on stage and I even had your costumes made for you." She sighed. "I would've liked to have had a full dress rehearsal before this but the play date was changed. This however does not give you any right to screw up. You are professionals. You are ninja. And in the event you do bomb this play . . . " The hokage narrowed her gaze to all the actors/actresses. " . . . . There will be . . . . . consequences . . . ." With that said she turned and marched up to the techies.

The Cinderella cast couldn't help but shiver. After a minute or so of soft whispers they finally made their way to their appropriate positions when Shizune with her clipboard signaled for everyone to get ready.

"Ergh! Why the heck do I have to wear a dress?" The stepmother muttered as she adjusted her apparel.

"You should be happy." Person playing stepsister number one (I don't know the sisters' names) muttered disgustedly. "At least it's something suited to your sex."

"I kinda like it actually." Cinderella murmured. "My usual get up doesn't really allow my skin to breathe."

"Oh kami. Just kill me now." Stepsister two begged.

¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸

**On stage **

The aisle were filled to brimming, it was to be expected. The play was sold out in just under an hour after all. Not surprising really, how many ninja-cast-only play's were out there? Especially seeing as it was being directed by Tsunade-hokage-sama herself. Heh heh heh heh.

It was at this moment that Tsunade walked out onto the platform and in that instant all conversation within the theater was silenced. The anticipation was thick enough to slice a katana through with much agonizing difficulty.

Tsunade cleared her throat. "Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of all those affected with terminally deadly diseases and such we thank you for participating and buying absurdly overpriced tickets for this event." She smiled. "And now onto the show!" She exited, stage right all the while thinking. 'Please don't let them screw this up!'

The lights dimmed while the curtains parted to reveal the set. Which was a nicely done painting of the inside of a fancy house with some real doors and windows and furniture all neatly placed. But the real eye catcher was 'Cinderella'. For there in all her - his glory was the great and famous copy nin Hatake Kakashi. In a dress. A ragged dress. With wig on his head. A blonde wig than covered his sharingan. Sadly he still had his mask on. However . . . the thing that got people were . . . . his 'boobs'. And let me tell ya . . . they weren't exactly 'average' sized. But no one dared to laugh. Even the audience was sane enough to know NOT to laugh at a jounin's especially and ex-ANBU's expense and desperately tried not to die from asphyxiation while holding their breaths (a lesson Naruto would never forget).

From the speakers a voice flittered out. _"Damn that stupid bitch."_ (Mothers in the audience all simultaneously clapped their hands over their children's ears) The voice that sounded suspiciously like Gaara of the Sand's muttered. _"I just wanted to stay in the Sands but NOOOOOO I was forced here by that stupid bitch-whore because - what? The thing's on? Crap."_ The person who's voice sounded suspiciously like Gaara of the Sand's cleared his throat and narrated in a bored voice. _"Once upon a time . . . blah blah blah . . . who cares about this! Skip to the future. . . . Where Kakashi - Cinderella is cleaning . . . ."_

Tsunade clenched her fists tightly. Someone was going to die . . . painfully and slowly . . . .

The rest of the cast just silently admired Gaara's nerve.

On stage, Sakura swept in in full stepmother apparel, gray wig and all. "Cinderella!" She called. 'Cinderella' looked up from where 'she' was cleaning the floor. "Are you done with your chores yet!"

'Cinderella' looked up from 'her' scrubbing, "Yes stepmother!" 'She' chirped in a girly voice.

Sakura pursed her lips tightly to contain her laugh. "Oh . . . Uh . . . snicker . . . dear daughters . . . .snort . . . come 'ere!" She chortled. After a moment, when she realized her 'daughters' weren't coming out she turned to the wings.

Stepdaughter one stayed put with a scowl.

Stepdaughter two was snarling.

Neither moved from the wings.

Awkward silence.

"Err . . . daughters! Are you . . . uh coming?" 'Stepmother' tried again.

"I refuse." A voice that suspiciously sounded like Naruto's voice shouted.

"Errr . . . what?"

Tsunade had murder in her eyes.

"I refuse to lower myself any lower by being - ARGH!" Suddenly the person with a voice that sounded suspiciously like Naruto's and really was Naruto was shoved onto the stage followed shortly by and pissed off Sasuke. They fortunately or unfortunately (depending on your look of it) didn't have their wigs on . . . .

Sakura's lip trembled.

Naruto sighed in resignation. Oh the things he had to do. "Err . . . Hi." He said in a crackling falsetto voice.

The pink haired ninja held stopped herself from laughing, held her breath and said, "H . . . hello . . snort . . . s. . .swee . . sweetie."

A pause. All eyes swept to the Uchiha heir. He rolled his eyes and said in a monotonous voice. "Hello mother." He casually picked up a nearby vase and threw it next to the fireplace. "Oh me oh my. Cinderella you missed a spot you clumsy moron."

In a high pitched voice 'Cinderella' replied. "Oh my goodness! I will clean it at once dear sister." He tried to get to his feet but lost his balance and feel face first to the ground. "Ergh." He grumbled. "Silicon in heavy. Jeez how does Tsunade walk around normally with such heavy implants?" It was unfortunate that his voice carried through the theater . . . .

With an Amazonian war cry the fifth hokage grabbed a nearby table and hurled it at the silver haired jounin with all her might. It was at that precise moment that 'Cinderella' bent down to clean up the mess on the floor. Which led to the table being thrown over the ninja and in turn crash into 'stepmother's' head.

"SAKURA!" Naruto cried. Faster than the speed of light he dove to break her fall . . . at the same time Sasuke did. Result? Their heads crashed, they bounced back from each other and Sakura fell neatly into Kakashi's arms.

"You fucking moron!" The blonde screeched as he clutched his head.

"You're the fucking moron dobe!"

"Now. Now boys." Kakashi intervened with a smile. "No swearing. This is a G-rated play after all."

With his pointer finger outstretched at his rival he growled. "Tell that to that moron!"

"Is calling me a moron the best you can fucking do!"

Suddenly the curtains closed. The voice that sounded suspiciously like Gaara of the Sand's muttered from the speakers. _"We're experiencing technical difficulties at the moment . . . please stand by."_

The audience started murmuring amongst themselves. What a positively –

"Shut up Shukaku!"

Silence.

"No! Hell no! I already got the stupid 'love' tattoo on my forehead and I definitely don't need another one saying 'hate' on the other side. There isn't any point!" A pause. _"I don't care about being sexy or not! I look damn adorable like I am now anyway."_ A lengthier pause. _"For the last fucking time I. AM. NOT. GAY! I do notice when a female has nice rack or not!"_ A growl. _"How should I know? Tsunade's are probably fake anyway, she could do that since she's a medic-nin and all . . . . or maybe she stores her chakra in her boobs and she has so much chakra in there that it just started swirling around and eventually solidified . . . . Again who cares? Well screw you – What? It's still on . . . . . well damn."_

A pause. A lengthier pause. A growl. 

¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸

Half an hour later . . . .

The curtains slid open. Everyone was in their original position, save Sakura since she was still out cold, who was replaced by . . . The audience gasped when they saw . . . Gaara of the Sand . . . in a dress . . . . The red head glared out at the gathering of people but it didn't look half a threatening, as it should have. Considering the dress was pink. Pink with frills. Pink with frills and lace.

Gaara was shaking in righteous fury.

"Err . . . Tsunade-sama?" Shizune whispered to the hokage.

Said hokage was smirking with look of satisfaction. Vengance was bloody sweet. "Umhm?"

"Do you think replacing Sakura with Gaara was such a . . . good idea?"

Tsunade looked down at her assistant in disdain. "Of course! Tenten can do just as good a job narrating as Gaara." A pause. "Probably even better!"

Shizune sweatdropped. "That wasn't what I meant . . ."

Kakashi sighed. This was so not gonna do well for his acting career.

DING DONG

"You dumbass!" A screech from the left wing. "A knock! A knock! Not a doorbell!"

"I'msorryTsunade-hokage-sama!"

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Everyone sweatdropped.

It was the stepmother's line. Gaara glared at everyone as if daring them to make him speak, Naruto opened his mouth to do just that. Then, thankfully for everyone, Sasuke slapped a hand over Naruto's mouth and said. "Cinderella. Get it."

"Yes, stepsister." Kaka - 'Cinderella' quipped. 'She' strode quickly towards the door on the back center stage. 'She' opened the door and stepped back to reveal Chouji in a messenger's apparel.

The messenger cleared 'his' throat and unraveled the scroll in 'his' hand. "Hear ye hear ye! By the order of the King there is to be a ball for his son, the Prince. The ball will be held tomorrow at around nine. All eligible women are allowed to attend."

Silence.

Sasuke rolled his eyes before nudging his blonde companion.

"Oh oh right! Um. Ahem!" He cleared his throat and opened his mouth. There was another long silence before the boy said. "I forgot my line."

Everyone face faulted.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Honestly! Was he the only kami forsaken person who could do ANYTHING right! "Oh how lovely. A ball. I'm so excited. Yeah. Maybe the prince will want to marry us. Eeeww." He muttered the last part.

"Oh!" 'Cinderella' cried. "Does that mean that I may go as well?"

From the speakers Tenten's voice flittered out, _"And the messenger, feeling pity for the poor 'Cinderella' responded in a kind voice . . ."_

"Sure. But ya hafta gimme food first!"

Everyone sweatdropped. Tsunade was about to start crying.

Sasuke growled. He strode over to Chouji and grabbed him by his collar before lifting him off the ground. "What was that you said?" He hissed.

"Uh . . uh . . uh . . I mean . . she can go! She can go!"

Eyes narrowed. "Good." That said, the Uchiha dropped the rather round ninja onto the ground. "Now get going!"

With a whimper Chouji scrambled to his feet and attempted to run away . . . but tripped and ended up rolling instead . . . in the wrong direction. Without missing a beat Kakashi kicked the rolling nin towards Naruto while pulling out his infamous book. Naruto yawned and kicked the human kick ball to Sasuke, Sasuke then booted the fleshy sphere out the door.

"Cinderella." Sasuke growled.

"Hm?" He didn't look up from his book.

Oh for the love of - "Ya can't go to the ball until ya do all seven hundred eighty six of your chores." The Uchiha stated boredly. This too was something that was supposed to be said by 'stepmother' but things were getting really fucked up at the moment and dear old 'stepmother' was still glaring at some random object.

"Mmmhhmm."

The curtains suddenly came down. And Tenten's voice filled the theater. _"And so this proved that Kakashi was really gay and screwing a - What the hell! Who the - Gai-sensei! Ergh! Twenty minute intermission!"_

From back stage Tsunade clutched a nasty looking sword.

¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸

Backstage 

"Is Sakura still out?" Sasuke asked as he switched from behind a stall.

"Unfortunately." Tsunade replied. "Nice job covering for Gaara by the by."

"Hey!" Uzumaki Naruto exclaimed. "What about me?"

The godaime snorted. "You messed up your lines! You really are a dead last."

"What? Sasuke-bastard doesn't even bother to act!"

"You can't act if you don't have lines! And at the very least he remembers his however you have a very good point. Sasuke act or you get latrine duty for a month."

The Sharingan user scowled. "Fine."

Naruto snickered.

"You can't say anything Uzumaki! You can't even remember your lines idiot! The longest line you've got is only about eight words long! That's it! For being such a dumbass you get latrine duty for a month plus you get the pleasure of washing out all the bedpans in the hospital as an added bonus."

"WHAT!"

"Then there's the whole Gaara thing." Tsunade continued as if she were never interrupted. ". . . If only Kakashi had kept his damned mouth shut."

A pause. "You threw the table." Uchiha replied carefully.

"He pissed me off which led me to throw the table." She said with a slight edge in her voice.

The Sharingan user detected it and kept his mouth shut. Smart boy. Naruto on the other hand not so smart. "It's still your fault granny!"

The fifth hokage's eyes narrowed at the stall next to Sasuke's. "What?" She asked in a deadly calm voice.

Suddenly Sasuke burst out of his stall and scurried towards anywhere-but-near-Tsunade-and Naruto-'cause-it-wasn't-gonna-end-pretty. Once again smart boy.

"Well of course it's your fault." Once again not so smart. "You threw the table. So it is all your fault seeing as it was obvious to any idiot that he'd dodge seeing as he's a jounin and all. Sakura would'n't've done that 'cause it was going too fast for even me to dodge! And another thing - "

¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸

In Sunagakure

Temari bolted upright and looked around frantically. "Eh?"

"Temari!"

The blonde blinked in surprise as her brother suddenly burst into her room. "Neh . . . Kan . . kuro?"

Said male stood there looking around in surprise. "I . . I thought I heard a girl screaming . . ."

"Well . . . it wasn't me . . . ."

"Oh . . ."

"Goo'night sis."

"Night bro."

¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸

Back in Konohagakure

The curtains slid open to reveal a garden scene. Sasuke aka 'stepsister two' was standing rigidly in a low-cut emerald green ball gown complete with lace and ribbons. Naruto aka 'stepsister one' was barely standing and covered with bruises, cuts and lacerations, he was dressed in a red (or blood drenched?) dress with white frills. Gaara aka 'stepmother' was situated on a square plank of wood on wheels with a rope tied to one end and the other being held by 'stepsister two'. The redhead was garbed in a light blue gown with frills, sequins and sparkles and was glaring furiously at a fake plant.

_"It was nearing nightfall and the time to depart for the Prince's ball was drawing near. Cinderella had completed her list of chores and her stepfamily was already assembled and about to leave."_

Ten minutes passed in utter silence. Someone in the audience coughed.

Tsunade glared out at the stage. "Where the hell is 'Cinderella'?"

Suddenly there was a poof and 'Cinderella' revealed 'herself'. Garbed in a ragged dress and hunched over the a certain book . . . "Oh stepmother!" He said in a high pitched voice. "I'm sorry I'm late but I got stuck in the chimney while cleaning it and I - "

"LIAR!" Naruto suddenly shouted. "You're always lying pervert-sensei - Urk!" Suddenly he fell unconscious.

"Hhhm. I was wondering when he'd do that." Sasuke muttered. Sighing in resignation he cleared his throat and said in a falsetto voice. "No more excuses Cinderella. You did your chores but you have nothing to wear. You'll embarrass the family if you go in those petty rags. A pity really." That said the Uchiha heir grabbed Naruto and pulled Gaara off stage left.

'Cinderella' fell down to 'her' knees. "Boohoohoohoohoohooo!" 'She' 'sobbed'. "Oh woe is me." 'She' cried while reading 'her' book. "I'll never go to the ball now! Boohoo!"

"Don't cry 'Cinderella'." A voice called from the 'sky'.

'Cinderella' didn't even lift 'her' eye from the book as 'she' spoke. "Oh who are you?"

From the 'sky' a neon yellow dress wearing winged Asuma with a purple wig slowly floated down. "It's me your fairy godmother . . ."

"Oh. Wow. What are you doing here?" Flip page.

'Fairy godmother' shrugged and took out a cig. "I'm here to make your dream come true." 'She' took out a lighter and flicked it on. "So you wanna go to the ball eh?" 'She' lit the cig then calmly placed the cancer stick between 'her' lips and put the lighter away.

"Yup. Can ya do it?"

Tsunade slapped her head. Damn she really really really needed a drink . . . .

"Sure thing. Just get me a two mice, a pumpkin and a lizard."

"Done." 'Cinderella' reached into 'her' pocket and dumped out a dried lizard and two plastic mice onto the ground before him. "Um. I don't have a pumpkin . . ." Without taking 'her' eyes off 'her' orange book 'she' took out a piece of soggy looking orange thing from another random pocket. "But I have a one sixth of a pumpkin pie. Will that work?"

'Fairy godmother' shrugged. "Bah. Pumpkins a pumpkin. Now let me work my magic with my magic wan - what the hell? Where's my wand!" 'She' looked around with a light frown.

"Where's his wand!" Tsunade hissed angrily.

'Cinderella' put 'her' book away and stood. "No wand? Does that mean no magic?" He improvised.

'Fairy godmother' shrugged. "Eh . . . Well I guess - " From the corner of his eye Tsunade gestured violently at him to improvise. " . . . uh . . . I'll have to use my back up . . . my . . . magic cigarette!"

Everyone facefaulted.

'Cinderella' blinked then shrugged. "Okay."

"All right then!" 'Fairy godmother' seized 'her' cigarette from 'her' mouth. "Now just step back a bit." 'She' cleared 'her' throat. "Okay then! Bibidi Babidi Boo!" 'She' said while waving around the magic cig.

A minute passed. Nothing happened.

" . . . . . Bibidi Babidi Boo?"

Ash fell from the tip of the cancer stick.

"SMOKE! WHERE THE HELL IS THE SMOKE MACHINE!" Tsunade snarled.

"Okay then . . . Screw the magic cigarette." Asuma muttered. With the ease of an elite ninja the shinobi placed his hands together and formed a few hand seals.

POOF!

When the smoke from the performed jutsu cleared it was then that people were able to bear witness to Shikamaru and Lee garbed in the traditional western coachmen garb. Along with a large orange coach that looked like a lopsided pumpkin which was attached to a white horse that seemed to be having problems with itself.

"Dammit Jiraiya! Keep you hands to yourself!" The front end of the horse growled.

"Oh! Sorry Kurenai! My hand must've slipped! Hehehehehehe . . ."

Asuma glared at the rump of the white horse with narrowed eyes. The old pervert better not be touching _his_ Kurenai. "Well 'Cinderella' now it's time for your dress." The jounin performed the appropriate hand seals because the techies were just proving to be plain disappointing at the moment. "Bibidi Babidi Boo!"

POOF!

Everyone had to gasp when the smoke from the jutsu cleared. For there, standing in their midst was a blonde wig wearing jounin garbed in frightening multi-coloured dress with every imaginable neon colour crammed onto it. Everyone was blinded (except the Aburame clan seeing as all of them had sunglasses) by the dress as the bright stage lights shone upon the blonde figure. Kakashi looked down at his persons and immediately closed his eye. "Only some pure evil bastard could've made this dress." He muttered darkly.

(A figure sneezed and looked up from his work. "I guess someone's been talking behind my back." Orochimaru murmured before happily going back to sewing his latest neon yellow/red/orange shirt. Hehehe! Soon everyone would be blind!)

Asuma snickered. "Now you may go to the ball but at the stroke of midnight everything turns back the way it once was so you're better off having a quickie and running back home okay?" 'Fairy godmother' waved a hand and was about to leave when a thought struck 'her'. Reaching into a pocket the bearded jounin withdrew a piece of square, foil-like material and tossed it to 'Cinderella'. "Don't forget protection! Bai!" And with a wink the 'fairy' was gone.

Tsunade's left eye twitched. "Shizune."

The godaime's assistant gulped. "Y . . y . . yes?"

"Sake. Now."

"B . . b. . but . . . !"

"NOW DAMMIT!"

'Cinderella' stared at the condom in 'her' hand. With a shrug 'she' placed it into 'her' purse. "Thank you godmother. Now off to the ball!" That said the dress clad 'Cinderella' climbed into the pumpkin like coach with the assistance of Lee. Shikamaru swung up onto the driver's side while the other coachman sat beside him.

"ERRGHH!" The front end of the horse screamed. "YOU FUCKING PERVERT! DIE!"

"OH SHIT!" Suddenly the rump of the horse slammed backwards into the pumpkin and started pushing it away at top speed. "Shit! Get her away from me!"

"YOU CAN'T ESCAPE ME WE'RE IN THE SAME FUCKING COSTUME!"

"Wait!" Lee cried as they sped away off stage. "We're going in the wrong direction! The palace is the other way!"

Shikamaru let go of the reigns and sighed. Oh well. At least he didn't have to do anything . . . . .

"Err . . . And off Cinderella went to the ball . . . . . through a shortcut."

The curtains closed. Five minutes later they parted to reveal the set of the interior of a palace and the sound of an orchestra playing the waltz. Two columns were set on either side of the stage and on center stage there was a marble-like staircase leading to two thrones. On top of one thrown sat the king in full regalia but for some suspicious reason the king looked awfully feminine the same for the queen only reversed.

"I hope my family isn't watching this." Ino murmured more to herself than anyone.

Neji cringed as he adjusted his beige ball gown._ 'The last thing I'd need would be for the clan to be here.'_ The raven-haired boy activated his Byakuugan and scanned the theater. _'Aw shit.' _He thought in despair. For up in the best balcony seats of the theater was the entire Hyuuga clan with their eyes boring into his dress-garbed frame. He resisted the urge to sink into the throne _'Kami hates me.'_

Neji's mother giggled from where she sat next to her brother-in-law. "He looks so cute in that dress!"

Hisashi scowled. "I'm going to have to give him a talk after this . . ."

"It isn't really niisan's fault." Hanabi remarked. "Remember a few days ago when five ANBU practically dragged him from the compound kicking and screaming?"

"I guess we know why now." Hinata murmured. The milky-eyed girl was immensely thankful for the fact that she wasn't there on stage with the rest of her friends and swore never to curse Neji accidentally for, depending on how you look at it, food poisoning her ever again with concoctions of expired food.

On the dance floor Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura (the last two were fully recovered) mingled with the extras also dressed for the 'ball'. The others being Genma (in an olden suit), Kiba (in an olden suit), and Iruka (in an olden suit).

"The ball had now started but the king was anxious because his son had yet to show any interest in any female."

"Move!" Tsunade's voice suddenly commanded over the speakers. _"Shino just passed out from bug poison of all things! And we need someone to be the guy carrying the slipper for the last scene!"_

Tsunade's voice suddenly commanded over the speakers. 

"Why me!" Tenten squeaked.

"Because Gaara's talking to himself or Shukaku again, Kurenai and Asuma are butchering Jiraiya, Lee got his foot stuck in a fucking toilet for some godforsaken reason and Shikamaru's . . . Shikamaru now go damn you!"

"Oh fi – Hey! The speaker's still on!"

"Eh shit."

A thump then the audio was cut off.

Ino closed her eyes with a sigh. "Oh my son has shown no interest in any other female tonight! Oh woe is me!" She opened an eye. "And now he has left! Where is he anyway?"

Queen Neji sighed. "Probably primping. Oh dear me!" He said in a robotic voice. He brandished a fan and started fanning himself. "Whatever shall I do! I'll never have grandchildren to call me granny at this rate!" _'What a stupid thing to want.'_ Neji thought sourly. His ancestors were probably rolling over in their graves.

Suddenly Kakashi 'poofed' in and instantly blinded everyone. "Yo!" He said, the jounin was now sporting cool anti-glare sunglasses with UV protection.

From backstage Tsunade slapped her forehead. How could she forget about the fucking dress? Ergh. She was just going to have to kill Asuma for it later on then. And where the hell was her sake?

Stepmother glared at 'Cinderella' and said to her 'stepdaughters'. "Is it just me or does she look . . . . . familiar?"

'Stepsister two' shrugged haplessly. "Don't know don't care all I want to do is dance with the prince."

"Same here!" 'Stepsister one' exclaimed. "I love the prince!"

The speakers switched on. _"When Cinderella burst in not one man could help but be drawn to the . . . . . beauty?"_ A voice that sounded like Shikamaru said the last word uncertainly. _"It was at this point that the prince suddenly burst in. Bah! So troublesome."_

And just as the narrator suggested, the prince in full regalia burst in and threw off his dark black cloak to reveal his princely attire. Everyone had to shield his or her eyes as the stunning rays of the neon-coloured suit blinded everyone within a one-mile radius. It was even worse than Kakashi's! So horrible was the suit that even the colour blind stagehand was able to see the shimmering hues of colour and promptly wished she were blinder. So horrible it was that it not only cracked the sunglasses of the Aburame clan and Kakashi but threatened to burn alive everyone in the front row! Only some completely evil and twisted genius more horrible the Orochimaru could have created it! (Somewhere out there Itachi sneezed) About fifteen minutes, a couple of dimmed lights and ultra strength sunglasses later everyone's eyesight was good enough to be able to turn their attention back up towards the stage and promptly wished they hadn't. For there, standing in the midst of the brightly coloured ensemble of clothing was none other than Maito Gai.

Kakashi, being the first to regain his senses, quickly grabbed Genma and proceeded to dance far far away from his rival.

Sakura, a split second after Kakashi to regain her bearings, shoved Sasuke and Naruto towards Gai before grabbing Kiba for herself.

The two 'stepsisters' stood stock still in front of their mentor's rival and shivered. Gai, misinterpreting their shaking forms as acting in awe of the character he played, smiled broadly. "So which one of you lovely ladies will dance with me?" His teeth twinkled in the light.

"She would!" The boys said simultaneously.

Naruto shoved Sasuke towards Gai. "Go on! I insist sis! You said you wanted to dance with him!"

"But!" Sasuke shoved the loud-mouthed blonde into the jounin's awaiting arms. "You said you loved him! Have fun!" That said the Uchiha practically tackled chuunin academy instructor. "Dance far away!" He hissed nervously. Iruka didn't have to told twice, he too was secretly scared of the taijutsu specialist. Slightly in awe as well truth be told. It wasn't everyday that someone could actually wear what Gai did and not be have some type of severe retina damage.

Naruto wept tears of pain as he danced with Gai in a waltz. _'I'm gonna get Gai-cooties!'_

Gai, once again misinterpreting Naruto's tears of pain for acting tears of bliss, pulled him closer. "You're a very good actor!" He murmured.

"You know this really weird." Genma remarked as he waltzed away with his friend. "I've never danced with a guy before much less one of my buddies."

"Eh. That's the shinobi life. Full of god awful surprises."

The jounin smirked. "Don't wanna dance with your prince charming?"

With a narrowed eye the silver haired ninja replied smoothly. "I really hope you develop some form of STD one of these days."

The lights blacked out for half a minute before blinking on again. This time Kakashi was dancing with Gai, Sakura with Genma, Naruto with Ibiki and Sasuke with Kiba.

'Cinderella' leaned away from 'Prince Charming' as they danced while 'Prince Charming' tried to lean in a bit since that was how they were supposed to dance. This just drove the former to lean further away and thus was how they danced. This method, of course, caused one massive chain reaction. Well not really . . . it could actually be accurately blamed on Naruto seeing as he was the one who bumped into Kakashi and Gai which pushed them into knocking over a pillar which caused it to hit Iruka unconscious on top of Naruto who rolled away and caught his sensei in his arms but stumbled backwards and off the stage into the orchestra which knocked the clarinet player into the bass player into the pianist who accidentally knocked over the harp player's harp against violist who's bow was knocked out of her hand and into the tuba player's tuba which was then blasted out to accidentally hit Ino making her slump unconscious onto Neji who tried to get her off but was slipped on the hem of his gown and fell down the stairs of the throne to be caught by Genma who lost his footing making him fall onto Sasuke who gracefully stepped out of the way only to trip on random wet spot to fall into some potted plants which rolled away towards Gai who was rushing towards his student but tripped on a plant and smashed into the ground at the exact same time Sakura was rushing towards Sasuke making Sakura trip over Gai's prone form and randomly grabbing onto the railing of the stair to the throne but since it was just a cheap prop it quickly fell of making Sakura in danger of falling again but Kakashi randomly 'poofed' in to break her fall but lost his balance because of his dress (a lot of clothing malfunctions ne?) which made him clumsily step back a few steps in order to regain his footing with his student in tow making her grab out onto a nearby pillar which fell down on top of Neji who was helping Genma which made him catch it but miscalculated how much it actually weighed because he thought it was made out of cardboard since it was a mere prop but it was actually made out of real marble which made it heavy which solved the mystery of why Iruka was knocked out in the first place but going back to Neji, he staggered unseemly under the weight and threw it off to the side towards the audience at the same time Iruka was flung on stage courtesy of Naruto which caused everyone conscience on stage to dive in order to save Iruka but since they were all diving at different angles towards the same spot they all collided mere inches away from the chuunin just as the marble pillar was about to squish Iruka, Naruto jumped back on stage to save Iruka but was slipped on some random marbles left on stage for goodness knows what reason and just as the pillar was about to squish poor Iruka the chuunin woke up and saw the pillar and used his chakra smash it backwards into the lights above and have some of the lights explode which made the catwalk above the stage come undone on one side and haphazardly swing into the scenery of the stage with and pull it down all around their heads to reveal the backstage area where Lee had his foot stuck in a toilet which was ripped from the ground and was at that moment performing CPR on a not breathing Jiraiya but from the angle of it (and the fact that Lee was straddling him) it looked like they were making out causing Gai to faint and on top of Kakashi who threw him off in annoyance, with great strength, into Shizune who slammed into the still muttering Gaara who's sand barrier came up and deflected her into the back wall creating large hole through the back.

The cast gaped.

The techies gaped.

The audience gaped.

It was a good thing that Tsunade was passed out drunk at that moment.

Suddenly the curtains closed. From the intercom a voice drifted. _"Err . . . we are experiencing some technical difficulties at the moment . . . please standby . . . .?"_

¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸

"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune shook the godaime and wailed. "Wake up! WAKE UP!"

"I don't think she'll be getting up anytime soon Shizune. . . ." Kakashi said without taking his eyes off his book.

"AAAHHH! What do we do!" The hokage's assistant wailed. "This show is a disaster!"

"And was been from the start." Sasuke muttered.

Suddenly Tsunade shot up with a drunken glare. "OI! USSUMMAAACHIII!

Naruto gulped from where he half hid behind his jounin sensei. "Y. . . yeah?" He stuttered. The hokage wasn't nice when drunk.

"Kage hic bushi hic n no ju hic tsu." The hokage slurred. "Fix hic everyth hic ing. Or hic No ra hic men. FOREVER! hic" That said she passed out.

"Tsunade-sama!"

"RAMEN!" And without a moment's hesitation the blonde got to work. "Kage bushin no jutsu!" With a poof seventy other Narutos appeared. "All right guys!" The real Naruto roared. "Work our buts off or no ramen!"

"YEAH!" It was astounding how fast Naruto could work when he wanted too. Thirty minutes flat and the set looked good as new and it all went smoothly with no problems!

You didn't believe that did you? 'Cause if ya did then you just honestly don't know Naruto. Suffice it to say the set was rebuilt but . . .

Sasuke stared at the background. "What is that?" He didn't even bother shaking off Ino from his back.

Naruto grinned proudly as he called back his kage bushins. "It's the backdrop for the house scene!"

Asuma frowned. "No really what is it?"

Naruto growled. "It's the backdrop for the house scene!"

Sakura was unsuccessfully trying to push Ino off her crush but took the time to stop and squint at the background. "I think I can make out a chandelier."

Kakashi tilted his head to the side. " . . . Where?"

The pink-haired kunoichi pointed to the white blob looking thing at the top center of the mural. "If you squint your eyes really close together and tilt your head about forty five degrees to the right then it sorta looks like one."

Everyone else did just that, except Sasuke, Neji and Gaara because they were just too damn cool to do it. Well more like Sasuke and Neji were just too damn cool to do it, Gaara didn't because he was still busy conversing heatedly with Shukaku.

Neji nodded. "She's right. It looks a bit mangled but it does resemble a chandelier in a way."

"We should've probably helped Naruto out." Iruka stated with a sigh.

"The backdrop doesn't look too bad . . . . I suppose" Kakashi replied.

"But just look at everything else." The chuunin teacher gestured to . . . everything else. "He fixed up all the damage with duct tape and band aids!"

Before Naruto could protest a voice called out. "That's okay! Naru-kun did his best!"

Sakura blinked and turned to the speaker expecting to see Hinata. Then dismissed the idea all together because 1) Hinata wasn't even in the play (the lucky bum) 2) the speaker didn't stutter and 3) the speaker had said the statement loudly. However she really really really didn't expect the person speaking to be . . "Tsunade-sensei?" She murmured in confusion.

The said blonde grinned at her student. "Yes sweetie?"

The pink haired kunoichi paled. "The apocalypse is coming soon . . ." She whispered in fear.

Naruto gulped and took a step back. "Or maybe she's still drunk?"

"Don't be stupid." Jiraiya growled. "You already know what she's like when she's drunk." He looked around suspiciously, as if just waiting for the devil to come jump out from the shadows and claim his perverted soul.

The hokage 'tut'ed. "Now now Jira-kun! No need to be all mean to poor little Naru-kun!" She chirped cheerfully. Everyone took a step away from the smiling woman. "I used a jutsu to cleanse my system of any alcoholic substances! Now why don't we start the show?"

Shizune winced. Tsunade was being nice . . . that was a VERY bad sign . . .

¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸

"The set has been repaired and the show will now start immediately." The sound of a sigh that was strangely reminiscent of Shikamaru flittered through the speakers of the theater._ "We apologize deeply for the delay. We would also like to take time to apologize for having to speed up the play a bit. Ah geez this is too troublesome to say . . . Okay let's just say that the Prince came onto Cinderella, Cinderella got nervous 'cause the clock struck twelve and she ran she lost a shoe, the prince is still in love blah blah blah. Prince is now looking all over for his beloved Cinderella. Oh man this is long! Ergh . . . anyway . . . yah . . .then – "_ Suddenly there was a thud.

" The sound of a sigh that was strangely reminiscent of Shikamaru flittered through the speakers of the theater. Suddenly there was a thud.

"Oh dearie me! Tenten-chan! Be a dear and come over here please!" The audience blinked. The cheerful happy voice sounded as if it belonged to their hokage. The godaime. TSUNADE.

Footsteps._ "Err . . . Tsunade-sama? You called?"_ A pause. _"What happened to Shikamaru!" _

"Over exhaustion. I think that paragraph strained the poor boy a bit too much . . ." A sigh. _"The poor boy. I should've given him an easier roll." _

"Tsu . . Tsu . . Tsunade-sama . . . are you feeling all right?" It should be noted that Tenten was in the bathroom during the thirty-minute break.

"Why of course I am Ten-chan! I feel just fine and thank you for asking but I really must ask you to take over Shika-kun's position as narrator. Gai-kun will just have to carry the slippers himself, you can narrate again!"

"O . . . O . . Okay . . . Are you sure you're all right?."

"Of course sweetie! Now I'll take care of Shika-kun and you just start narrating. Oh dear! The microphone appears to be still switched on! Ten-chan, be a dear and continue for Shika-kun!" Footsteps and a dragging sound.

"Holy hell that was scary . . . . Um where was did he leave off . . . ? Ah here we go! Ahem! The prince had searched high and low but could not find anyone to fit slipper. The prince then eventually made it to Cinderella's home but her evil stepfamily had locked her up in a room preventing her from going to her prince."

The curtains opened to reveal the most bizarre thing . . . The background looked as if it were drawn by a five-year-old with crappy crayons and the set piece that was supposed to divide the stage into to different rooms was slanted ever so much. Not to mention all the duct tape and band aids covering the ground and set. As for the lights? Only two were actually working and both shown magenta.

On one side of the divider was 'poor' ol' Cinderella . . . . reading a book.

Shizune just sighed. Oh well . . . the play was doomed at any rate.

On the other side of the divider were the stepfamily and the prince. Sasuke was seated in a chair with Gai kneeling before him proffering a glass slipper towards the dark avenger.

The said avenger scowled darkly. He cleared his throat and said in a falsetto voice. "Oh please let me try on the slipper!"

Gai sighed dramatically. "All right! Even though you may not be her!"

From the other side of the divider Kakashi had put away his book and taken out a hair pin. "My . . . . . . prince." The crossdresser cringed. "Is on the other side! I have to try and get the slipper on so . . . . . we . . . can . . . marry." He slipped the pin into the lock of the door and started fiddling with it. After a moment or two the lock opened with an audible click. The jounin started to open the door but it was stuck. Kakashi shouldered the door and shoved hard. It didn't budge.

Naruto winced as he sat down to try on the slipper. Now he remembered where the super super super super strength super glue went! In a girly voice Naruto exclaimed. "I knew it! I'm the one who'll . . . uh . . ."

"Marry." Sakura muttered.

"Uh yeah! I'm the one who'll marry the prince!"

Meanwhile Kakashi was still having troubles with the door. He needed to open it but her really didn't want to destroy it either, after all Naruto had put all his effort into the thing. Even if the thing was horribly slanted, covered in random band aids and duct tape.

"Oh allow me Kaka-kun!"

The Sharingan wielder's visible eye widened when Tsunade bounced up to the door with a cheerful smile. Then without warning she slammed a fisted hand through the door. Gai quickly ducked down when the flying projectile soared towards him, backstage the newly awakened Shikamaru was not so lucky as it slammed into his head and knocked him out again.

"Err . . . Thanks Tsunade-sama. . . ."

"No problem Kaka-kun!" And with that said the godaime skipped, yes, SKIPPED off stage.

Kakashi shook his head and casually ambled into the other room in his rags. He really really just wanted to get this over with and go home. "Yo! Let me try on the slipper!" He didn't bother acting. It wasn't as if their hokage gave them a thought anymore anyway.

Gai's eyes burned with fire. Yes! He had yet again won another challenge against his eternal rival Kakashi for acting better than he had! The standing was now ninety - ninety!

Sakura sighed inwardly. "Oh don't listen to her! She's nothing but our servant!" She said hastily but 'Cinderella' had already shoved Naruto out of his seat and plopped down.

"Well?" 'Cinderella' said impatiently extending his foot. "Put it on."

The taijutsu master glowered. He was being told what to do by the silver one! Oooh! Now the copy-nin was in the lead ninety-one - ninety. Without a word, because he didn't have a line, he slipped the slipper onto Kakashi's nicely pedicured feet (Not a hangnail in sight resulting the score to turn ninety-two - ninety).

"Oh my goodness it fits." Sasuke exclaimed lamely.

Gai gave a dramatic gasp. "Cinderella! I've found you at last my love!" He grabbed the silver haired jounin's hand and clasped it to his chest. "Come with me! And together we shall start a new life of love and youthfulness together!"

The people who knew Gai were a bit bothered by that last statement. It sounded too Gai-like to be in the actual script . . . . . but they knew it would be best not to dwell on such things.

Kakashi shuddered. "Yeah. You go do that."

Then the curtains closed. It opened once more to reveal all the actors lined up in neat rows with Tsunade in the front of all of them. It was with some trepidation and hesitation that audience members started applauding which soon turned into roars of cheers, the entire cast bowed as one. Tsunade held up a hand and the cheering faded. "I would just like to take the time to thank everyone of the actors, stage hands, stage managers, costume makers, set builders, the people on the promotional campaigns and everyone else who could make this production possible. I would also like to thank you all once more for buying the tickets for this show. Please have a good evening!" The audience applauded again and the curtains closed. People stood up and were starting to trickle out when the PA was mysteriously switched on.

"YOU ARE ALL A DISGRACE TO ALL SHINOBI LIVING AND/OR DEAD!"

The audience cringed as one at the loud voice. Oh well a little more entertainment for them!

"Tsunade-sama! Please put the piano down!"

"I lost a contact lense . . . . "

"AHA! I knew that wasn't Gaara's real eye colour!"

"Sabaku sou . . ."

"AHHH DON'T KILL ME! YOU LOOK GOOD WITH PINK EYES!"

"Itai! I got sand in my eye!"

"Tsuande-sama please don't - !"

"Take this you fucking pervert!" SMASH!

"Jiraiya-sama!"

"Hey! You're stepping on my dress bastard!"

"Shut up dobe!"

"Sasuke-kun!"

"Ino-pig let him go!"

"My eternal rival Kakashi! I challenge you to a dress wearing contest!"

"I'm sorry did you say something?"

"Tsunade-sama not the pumpkin coach!" SMASH!

"I want food. I'm so hungry."

"By the time I'm through with all of ya you'll be wishing you all died in your mother's womb!"

"Ha! As if an senile old hag could even touch the future hokage – " There was a high pitched scream.

A hiss. "Ow makes a guy want to invest in a cup . . ."

"No shit – hey the mic still on!"

¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸

Authour's Note: It's been a long time since I've seen Cinderella so I mostly made up the lines. And yeah I kinda skipped a bit here and there but I'm lazy . . .

Also apologies if there are any spelling mistakes/grammar and such here, I'm just too lazy to care at the moment . . . .


End file.
